also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
