I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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