Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I could fuck to npr.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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