Your face is a jimmy john
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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