and you said cock pushups were impossible
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
