They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
