im about as happy as oj after his trial
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
