if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
