how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
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His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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