Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
