I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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