Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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