I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
