The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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