we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
