No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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