This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
