The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
