I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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