we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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