so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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