I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
