if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
