You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
