Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
