id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
