the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize