I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
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Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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