A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We need a shit load of segways right now
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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