Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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