The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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