Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
