My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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