you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
