i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i think i just lost a toe
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
