Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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