Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
