giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This toilet bowl is my home.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
