I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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