College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
