I faked an abortion last night.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
