The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
