all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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