im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
