so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just found a bag of teeth...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
