i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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