haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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