He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dicks are not precious.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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