Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
