going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
