I can't breathe out the right side of my face
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
