Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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