I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
