How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
