A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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