Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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