nut hugger
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
