I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
