She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
