I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
