i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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