i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
