Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
