I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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