i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
