Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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