hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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